Tuesday, June 30, 2009

remember the colours


What I saw:

I sawe the grey spaces intervene and many clever people think themselves clever. Dull men in hats expounding fabulous theories, professors of Philosophies with their grand airs; and learned men of science tightening the noose around Mysteries. A buffoon Preacher with grotesque hands so puffed up at the sound of his own braying. All and one claimed to know what could be known. And yet, to my way of being, there was to be found no light in their words, no delight to be had in their companie.

To be the wind, not a statement about it.

I have become a question to myself.

Who said what? Analyse it, dissect it. Point to the passage in the book..and wouldn't you just die without Mahler? What does it matter if you cannot live it?



Alone. Together.
alone, together
alone together

Distinctness, singleness. togetherness. uniqueness. gem-like separation of our being. love is not a goal; it is only a traveling. only.

blossoming means the establishing of a pure new relationship with all the cosmos..this mysterious other reality of things in a perfected relationship. it is into this perfected relationship that every straight line curves, as if to some core, passing out of the time-space dimension...

creation proceeds from the ever inscrutable quicks of living beings, men, women, animals, plants. the actual living quick itself is alone the creative reality. once you abstract from this, once you generalize and postulate Universals, you have departed from creative reality and entered the realm of static fixity..you can't make an idea of the living self...

the great lesson is to learn to break all the fixed ideals, to allow the soul's own deep desires to come direct, spontaneous into consciousness.

Education as a guard against falling into mechanical thinking..a proper approach to the past and the future, memory and desire. To keep open, free from "rust" ..the spontaneous, free-wheeling self that spins away from dead material reality, mechanizations, the satanic mills of thought.

there must be no fixed activity, no fixed direction.

---D.H.L.

May I run, run, and never find.

---Shah Latif.

The slow, circling descent through time. like the gentle curvature of the hand that encloses itself. a return to silence, a deep welcoming silence. you hear the profoundly familiar creaking wooden floorboards under your feet, the sighs of the white doors. the radio with its steel dial like a compass, pointing north, true north. when dust settles and you can see clearly. you are attentive, child-like in your wakefulness. the return of music and silence. they turn to their books. everyone lovingly in their own world. you sit in the conservatory ("the conservative") and allow yourself to fall and fall...a dizzying stillness. the hand learns not to reach out. all the colours were here. home.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

a green thought in a green shade


Because I've died so young,
Come sing me, pretty maidens,
A song of farewell.
When I come back again,
When I come back again,
I'll be a pretty lad.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

after the storm...




How strange it was on the day after...on that bright blue morning, at 10 o'clock in the morning..is there a precise time when things fall and fade, when the snow drifts away to other lands? You walked..I walked across the perfect lawn and found there shattered by my feet a thousand and a thousand more small pieces of lilac-coloured glass.

Your soul like a storm one walks into. As if there was or ever could be a "one" ! And if that death was a kind of life then what is this? A dream or a spell? Neither together nor alone. We separate entwined. How strange are the blue days...

There is a city, the city where I never(s) meet you. The words you never said, that I never heard. Your smile like a word found in nobody's heart.Your almost-green eyes that burned with such longing..but, alas, not for me. Say, how many fell, in the wellspring of your eyes like the fish-nets of the labyrinth sea?

Neither from the East or the West, how could I find a place with you? But tell me, gentle one, do you still hold the image of my face close to your breast?

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

White



It had begun to snow again. He watched sleepily the flakes, silver and dark, falling obliquely against the lamplight. The time had come for him to set out on his journey westward. Yes, the newspapers were right: snow was general all over Ireland. It was falling on every part of the dark central plain, on the treeless hills, falling softly upon the Bog of Allen and, farther westward, softly falling into the dark mutinous Shannon waves. It was falling, too, upon every part of the lonely churchyard on the hill where Michael Furey lay buried. It lay thickly drifted on the crooked crosses and headstones, on the spears of the little gate, on the barren thorns. His soul swooned slowly as he heard the snow falling faintly through the universe and faintly falling, like the descent of their last end, upon all the living and the dead.

True Blue


For Manuela (sorry, the last post was rot; thought this was better)

The blues defined a kind of perpetual internal exile of people who couldn't go back.
---Rebecca Solnit.

Hard to 'know' what this sense of feeling blue is. Perhaps the blues are precisely this not-knowingness, the bewilderment that follows from the gradual dawning that what is near is also far. That we are lost, and to be so is deeper than being found, that from time out of mind we have been alone with the Alone. The blue flames of love mourned the loss of the red. And Time will not heal it, and no words will help soothe it. I am still me, you are still you.

Courtesy of Astarte:

And the cities will be bright with blues
because the unhappy one
Burns once again, even if all is burnt,
Burns once again, even if too much or too little
Tries to find himself by breaking
To reach the inaccessible star

Something here reminded me of Montale's 'Little Testament'. But it is gone. Instead, Akhmatova:

Do you forgive me these November days?
In canals around the Neva fires fragment.
Scant is tragic autumn's finery

This story by Isak Dinesen is retold by Rebecca Solnit:

An old English aristocrat, caring for little in the world, sets off with his daughter in search of beautiful blue china. On one of their journeys they become shipwrecked and the daughter is rescued by a sailor and for nine days the two are alone together on the sea.
.
Eventually the father finds his daughter and banishes the sailor to the far side of the world and once again all the daughter can think of is collecting blue china. "In her search she told the people with whom she dealt that she was looking for a particular blue colour and would pay any price for it. But although she bought many hundred blue jars and bowls, she would always after a time put them aside and say:'Alas, alas, it is not the right blue'.
.
Soon, she began to wonder if that blue even existed any more. Years passed, decades, her father died and finally a merchant brought her an old blue jar looted from the Chinese emperor's summer palace. When she saw it she said that now she could die, and when she died , her heart would be cut out and put in the blue jar.
.
"And everything will be as it was then. All shall be blue around me, and in the midst of the blue my heart will be innocent and free, and will beat gently..."

Monday, June 15, 2009

Red

What is red?

You might as well ask: what is pain?Everything is red.

Point to it, if you can't name it. Are you a monist, then?

And you wonder to yourself if philosophy will get you there. Everything is infused by that light, sinks into it, is understood in relation to it-insofar as it can be understood. There, you might ask: what is inner, what is outer?There, time is obliterated. You fell into my arms and time stood still. But one also falls out of love. And when the moment has passed, time stands still again.

Attentiveness: the more you look, the more you see what is missing...who is missing.

This, the world, full of cluttered images, that makes sense against the background work. The world is not just the world of fact but one of objects of love and life is not just a re-arranging of the objects but the desire and the ability, the human ability, the quintessential human capacity, to take a step out of the room and look at it from another angle, to see something in the spaces between the ordinary. Orientation is everything. It colours our perceptions. Here, there is no looking 'objectively' but a looking with justice and a loving glance.

And here we can be mistaken..deception and illusion is always with us; this is a task, not an accomplished or achieved state of being. Neither thought nor deed, but instead an infinite goal..necessary fallibility, the fragility of goodness, a responsible freedom. Bewildered by a dazzling soul, we wonder if this is the first moment or the last, whether I am in you , or you in me, whether it is day or night.

We see things in a new light, there's a change of key, the voice becomes gentler, some clothes start to fit.

What is red?

Have you forgotten? Why not consider red as an ideal end-point, as a concept infinitely to be learned, as an individual object of love.


Shortly after meeting Hannah Arendt, Heidegger wrote: "The demonic has struck me. Nothing like this has ever happened to me. In the rainstorm on the way home, you were even more beautiful and impressive. I should have liked to wander with you for nights on end".
--Courtesy of Roxana

Sunday, June 14, 2009

If



If I didn't fall
and you didn't look
no-one would know my heart

If your love was true
and your heart was mine
No-one would know my name

If I didn't know you
and you didn't know me
no-one would know my soul

If I was ever fair

and your eyes were dark
no-one would know my sorrow

Thursday, June 11, 2009

the curve of time


In a life with many turnings there are fragments of memory that return and retreat. Certain fixed images that have somehow withstood the avalanche of events that overtake a man seemed to have a bearing on this evolution.
--
Dore Ashton, 'About Rothko'

The strawness of straw, the humanness of the human, is their divinity.
---
Denise Levertov.

There's something almost mystical about the last day of class, the final exam. The way the world is. You stand there in the corner,shoulder to the cold wall, surveying the faces for one last time. Everyone gathered in this room. The starting point of their destinies. And you know that everyone will move on, trace their own path. Some will marry, some will divorce, some will go wild, others will settle into the world's patterned mediocrity. There will be loves, heartaches, moments of discovery, triumph, despair..all this is ahead. Many doors to be opened. The curve of time is upward ascending.

But for you, despite your statuesque indifference, there is only the folding in of time on itself. The spiral of time.
Mina metsan polkuja kuljen. Repeating, ageing, trying to find your true Form, your name. Fewer doors to open. Each more precious than the last. Savour the moment. Walk through them well. Lovingly.


Wednesday, June 10, 2009

There are no birds in China



Crow was restless, bored by the monotony of his life in the beautiful Forest.

Give me time to think, asked Crow.

Oh, okay, I will dear crow, since time is all I have, said God.

How strange the dark one was. Slick, clumsy, without natural grace. A fierceness of heart, but not the iced brain to command. Roots in ashes, his ancient heart and modern mind contested for space.

The depth of your knowledge is the degree of being in the object of your thought; the quality of understanding is the quality of your attachments. Only touch the earth briefly, dear crow, find its rhythms, learn strategies of survival, remember the invisible paths by heart. Do not trust the word of Man. No good can come of it.

Crow glided downwards,God's light on his back. He saw many strange things and his child-like heart was frightened: black men in chains, the mullah and a goat, the grotesque, enlarged forehead of Chairman Mao, many, many birds falling from the sky.

Chu Si Hai

Congress, May 18, 1958.
The whole people, including five-year old children, must be mobilized to eliminate the four pests.

"It was many years before we knew that sparrows are good birds" said a man.

Then, Chairman Mao just said suanle ("forget it"). In those days, one man's word counted for everything.

Crow's wings became heavier when he saw all this, like the rain-soaked trees in the forest. A knot grew in his heart, as mysterious as the falling evening shadows across the plains. He saw blood spill on the ground, congeal and disappear. His eye took everything in.

Crow flew back, back into the storm, like an angel with a resolute heart. With his keen perception (which was really just the kindness of his heart) he picked out a small girl standing in a field, talking to God.Crow rested gently on her shoulder.

Ah, I see we have a mutual friend. But the little girl was too sad to notice, too tired and distraught to laugh. It was so cold that the stars had frozen, forgotten how to move and the darkness was bitter, twisted, horrendous, like nothing Crow could ever imagine. A land without light, full of sorrow. Grey ashes drifted upward, silently.

What type of place is this, Crow thought to himself.

Will you hurt me as well? , Crow asked the little girl.

No, don't be silly, dear crow. And she laughed, brought her hand to her mouth to hide her smile, as Crow tilted his head softly to hers as if to share his thoughts with her.

Will I ever see them again, she asked. Crow, who now had time to think, replied: of course you will! I will help you find them.

But beloved crow just talked,and talked,and talked.The little girl thought everything he said was really interesting, full of old-world charm and wonder but after a while, despite herself, she suddenly became very tired and went off to sleep.

Sorry crow, nothing personal, but I'm feeling awfully tired, she said.

Oh, that's okay. Sleep, little princess. I'm used to people dozing off whilst I expound my theorems. Don't tell God, but I sometimes doze off when he lectures me!

And the girl smiled. This time she was too drowsy to put her hand to her mouth. She dreamt she was a bird in an emerald-green forest,a bird in an old tree near a window and that the bird was dreaming of a blue star. In the dream within a dream she flew-as straight as the crow flies, flew along the invisible paths, to the blue star where she saw her loved ones again, talked with them as if they were as close to her as she was to Crow in the real world.

They held her hand, hugged her and stroked her hair and brought her cinnamon rolls and chocolate eclairs (made with fresh cream).

And under that wondrous blue light all souls were one and no-one was lost.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Dear God,

Dear God, give me strength. Do not withdraw your favours.

Dear God, give me strength that I may not become religious in times of trouble, not become like one of the curs-ed maulvis (
mullahs-I should say, tipping my hat to my good Iranian friends), who do nothing but scratch their balls and spit on the ground like wild beasts.

Please do not take away that devilish twinkle in my eye or prevent me from laughing until there are tears in my eyes at the moral brigade and do-gooders, with their cheap two-penny sermons and fake plastic smiles, their phony humility and foaming drivel,their terrifying, absurd pomposity and Sunday-school platitudes that would bore a corpse

And please, God, do not make my readers (the pretty ones) too angry over my joshing in the last post.

Yours,

b.

~~~~~~

It is the unknown that compels us to love. The key is not to look for a final solution-which is a death wish-or salvation, but to live one's soul
----D.H.Lawrence.

His characters are "higher-thought clowns," people who, absurdly, lust for total explanations, for help from the realm of ideas, but whose own lives are confused and cloudy..
---James Woods on Saul Bellow.

Bellow on Spinoza, against the maulvi:

man's desire to have have others rejoice in the good in which he rejoices, not to make others live according to his way of thinking.

From Herzog:

In the window on glass shelves there stood an ornamental collection of small glass bottles, Venetian and Swedish. They came with the house. The sun now caught them . They were pierced with the light. Herzog saw the waves, the threads of colour, the spectral intersecting bars, and especially a great blot of flaming white on the centre of the wall.


..if he was so confused-both visionary and muddy.

In dusty niches bulbs burned. Without religion.

Gerbasch sighed and walked along his wall slowly, bending and straightening like a gondolier.

It hardly does much good to have a complex mind without actually being a philosopher.

his laughter becoming more frequent, wilder, uncaused.

God's veil over things makes them all riddles.

Among narrow puritans, this is lying; but with civilized people only civility.

..waiting for the ferry, he looked through the green darkness at the net of bright reflections on the bottom. He loved to think about the power of the sun, about light, about the ocean.

..without sufficient courage or intelligence [he] tried to be a marvelous Herzog, a Herzog who, perhaps clumsily, tried to live out marvelous qualities vaguely comprehended.

She was in the time of life when the later action of heredity begins, the blemishes of ancestors appear-a spot, or the deepening of wrinkles, at first increasing a woman's beauty. Death, the artist, very slow, putting in his first touches.

The strength of a man's virtue or spiritual capacity measured by his ordinary life.

But modern character is inconstant, divided, vacillating, lacking the stone-like certitude of archaic man, also deprived of the firm ideas of the seventeenth century, clear, hard, theorems.

Each man is stubbornly, stubbornly himself. Above all himself, to the end of time.

One of life's hardest jobs, to make a quick understanding slow.

He wondered at times whether he didn't belong to a class of people secretly convinced they had an arrangement with fate; in return for docility or ingenuous good will they were to be shielded from the worst brutalities of life.

..eager, grieving, fantastic, dangerous, crazed, and, to the point of death, "comical."



Saturday, June 06, 2009

The Magical Orange Grove


Let the oranges
ripen, ripen above you
you are living too, one
among the dark multitude
...
Black one, black one
there was a white candle in your heart

---Denise Levertov.

And she served me tea and oranges that come all the way from China.

And it is said: All that is, is Holy.

She wore circus-orange pyjamas.But not the knobbly knees, nor the funny ankles were a sign of wonder; the person. Aye, that's the thing.Everything in the world is at an angle to you, longs to find its centre in your gaze.

He, with his artificial lights (better than none), wondered what it was about her naturalness. To be natural is to be open to the world, to know how to return. He valued the naturalness, "that exactness and that inevitable completeness which can be achieved only by those gifted with magical means" (Roth-ko)


Commons

The only true question today is: does global capitalism contain antagonisms strong enough to prevent its indefinite reproduction? Four possible antagonisms present themselves: the looming threat of ecological catastrophe; the inappropriateness of private property for so-called intellectual property; the socio-ethical implications of new techno-scientific developments, especially in biogenetics; and last, but not least, new forms of social apartheid—new walls and slums. We should note that there is a qualitative difference between the last feature, the gap that separates the excluded from the included, and the other three, which designate the domains of what Hardt and Negri call ‘commons’—the shared substance of our social being, whose privatization is a violent act which should be resisted by force, if necessary.

First, there are the commons of culture, the immediately socialized forms of cognitive capital: primarily language, our means of communication and education, but also shared infrastructure such as public transport, electricity, post, etc. If Bill Gates were allowed a monopoly, we would have reached the absurd situation in which a private individual would have owned the software tissue of our basic network of communication. Second, there are the commons of external nature, threatened by pollution and exploitation—from oil to forests and the natural habitat itself—and, third, the commons of internal nature, the biogenetic inheritance of humanity. What all of these struggles share is an awareness of the destructive potential—up to the self-annihilation of humanity itself—in allowing the capitalist logic of enclosing these commons a free run. It is this reference to ‘commons’ which allows the resuscitation of the notion of communism: it enables us to see their progressive enclosure as a process of proletarianization of those who are thereby excluded from their own substance; a process that also points towards exploitation. The task today is to renew the political economy of exploitation—for instance, that of anonymous ‘knowledge workers’ by their companies.

It is, however, only the fourth antagonism, the reference to the excluded, that justifies the term communism. There is nothing more private than a state community which perceives the excluded as a threat and worries how to keep them at a proper distance. In other words, in the series of the four antagonisms, the one between the included and the excluded is the crucial one: without it, all the others lose their subversive edge. Ecology turns into a problem of sustainable development, intellectual property into a complex legal challenge, biogenetics into an ethical issue. One can sincerely fight for the environment, defend a broader notion of intellectual property, oppose the copyrighting of genes, without confronting the antagonism between the included and the excluded. Even more, one can formulate some of these struggles in terms of the included threatened by the polluting excluded. In this way, we get no true universality, only ‘private’ concerns in the Kantian sense. Corporations such as Whole Foods and Starbucks continue to enjoy favour among liberals even though they both engage in anti-union activities; the trick is that they sell products with a progressive spin: coffee made with beans bought at ‘fair-trade’ prices, expensive hybrid vehicles, etc. In short, without the antagonism between the included and the excluded, we may find ourselves in a world in which Bill Gates is the greatest humanitarian, fighting poverty and disease, and Rupert Murdoch the greatest environmentalist, mobilizing hundreds of millions through his media empire.

What one should add here, moving beyond Kant, is that there are social groups which, on account of their lack of a determinate place in the ‘private’ order of social hierarchy, stand directly for universality: they are what Jacques Rancière calls the ‘part of no part’ of the social body. All truly emancipatory politics is generated by the short-circuit between the universality of the public use of reason and the universality of the ‘part of no part’. This was already the communist dream of the young Marx—to bring together the universality of philosophy with the universality of the proletariat. From Ancient Greece, we have a name for the intrusion of the excluded into the socio-political space: democracy.

The predominant liberal notion of democracy also deals with those excluded, but in a radically different mode: it focuses on their inclusion, as minority voices. All positions should be heard, all interests taken into account, the human rights of everyone guaranteed, all ways of life, cultures and practices respected, and so on. The obsession of this democracy is the protection of all kinds of minorities: cultural, religious, sexual, etc. The formula of democracy here consists of patient negotiation and compromise. What gets lost in this is the position of universality embodied in the excluded. The new emancipatory politics will no longer be the act of a particular social agent, but an explosive combination of different agents. What unites us is that, in contrast to the classic image of proletarians who have ‘nothing to lose but their chains’, we are in danger of losing everything. The threat is that we will be reduced to an abstract, empty Cartesian subject dispossessed of all our symbolic content, with our genetic base manipulated, vegetating in an unliveable environment. This triple threat makes us all proletarians, reduced to ‘substanceless subjectivity’, as Marx put it in the Grundrisse. The figure of the ‘part of no part’ confronts us with the truth of our own position; and the ethico-political challenge is to recognize ourselves in this figure. In a way, we are all excluded, from nature as well as from our symbolic substance. Today, we are all potentially homo sacer, and the only way to avoid actually becoming so is to act preventively.

---Zizek

The great Illich, SilenceasaCommons

Friday, June 05, 2009

the black heart



La beaute du corps est toute entiere dans la peau. En effet, si les hommes, doues, comme les lynx de Boeotie, d'interieure penetration visuelle, voyaient ce qui est sous la peau, la vue seule des femmes leur serait nauseabonde: cette grace feminine n'est que saburre, sang, humeur, fiel. Considerez ce qui se cache dans les narines, dans la gorge, dans le ventre: saletes partout...Et nous qui repugnons a toucher, meme du bout doigt, de la vomissure et du fumier, comment pouvons-nous desirer serrer dans nos bras le sac d'excrements lui meme?

Why so sad, black one, why does your heart sigh within?

If death is the point of all points then is life pointless? But her green eyes sparkled in the dark-even if not for him. And there were green waters in the black. For even if the way of all flesh is that beauty must wither before dawn, the order of gravity that hands must fumble, lips tremble, shoulders drop, and the law of time that our face darken, words stutter, mind grey and slow, yet there will be found at the still point of the heart the memory of you. Like a scrap of fabric with your faded image on it,it was always lost and found.

Not the obliteration of time; not the redemption of time, nor a return to the illud tempus, but a gathering of time...

Who will hold the heart of man, that it may stand still, and see how the still- standing eternity, itself neither future nor past, uttereth the times future and past?


Guess Ill Forget You - The Black Heart Procession

Wednesday, June 03, 2009

tea into china


I found a
weed
that had a
mirror in it
and that
mirror
looked in at
a mirror
in
me that
had a
weed in it
--Ammons


There is a tinkling of china

And tea into china;
There are introductions.
Then everyone
Crowds to the window
To watch the falling snow.

Snow is falling on Nagoya
And farther south
On the tiles of Kyoto.
Eastward, beyond Irago,

It is falling

Like leaves on the cold sea.


--Derek Mahon

Snow falls.
Falls upwards.
Drifting to the north.
Or like
glass,
splintering the heart
Or like the soft tears
of the unredeemed.

I wait,
like a dark mirror,
for your image
to fall silently
Into my stillness
and rest,
lend me its colours.

I wait,
like a lake,
for time to end.
And for the rain to fall,
to draw empty circles on my being.

I wait,
like a child,
for Winter.
For fresh snow on my face,
the dazzling melting of Forms.

But you sit in your room
Alone by the window
Sip your green tea unaware
that I pour tea into china
for you.












Monday, June 01, 2009

academia and the last day

In a university publication I read these charming words by an associate professor: If your minorities are out of line then you can whip them back into line.

I don't know, maybe this is just my limited experience in academia, but there does seem to be an awful lot of stupidity around. 'Thoughtlessness', precisely.

And I can't help wondering to myself: why is that? Why is it that people who are actually very sharp in their own field, good at solving difficult problems, are also often , well, to not put too fine a point on it: arseholes?

Does it stem from all those years of a lack of contact with reality (imagination unmoored can slide into all sorts of fantasies, and technical competence can replace integral intelligence)? The inability to talk like a human being, the contempt for ordinary lives? The world is a concept. All those years of dissecting, calculating,abstracting, analyzing, and holding to scrutiny? Is it, as Edward Said once noted, the degree of specialization and the inability to see the bigger picture (understanding as seeing oneself and others in the right light, from the right distance)?

His thoughts already rove away to the more general case, and tomorrow he knows as little as he knew yesterday how to help himself. He does not now take himself seriously and devote time to himself. He is serene, not from lack of troubles, but from lack of capacity for grasping and dealing with his trouble. The habitual complaisance with respect to all objects and experiences, the radiant and impartial hospitality with which he receives everything that comes his way, his habit of inconsiderate good nature, of dangerous indifference to Yea or Nay...his mirroring and eternally self-polishing soul no longer knows how to affirm , no longer how to deny.
----N.