Lost in Translation

A Sunni makes it to Heaven and is shown around by an angel.
He comes to a large hall full of Christians, devoutly singing hymns.
"Christians! How did they make it up here?" he asks, exasperated.
Then he comes to another hall and it is packed with Jews.
"Jews!!! don't tell me they made it as well?"
and so on and so forth. Hindus and Buddhists and Shias....

Eventually he comes to a room with a blue door. The angel slowly opens it as he puts his finger to his lips. "Shhh".

Looking in he sees a vast hall with just one man praying there, a man that he instantly recognizes as a sunni.

"But why so quiet ?" asks the Sunni.
Angel: "Because he thinks he's the only one up here!"

A Jewish mother is playing with her son, David, on the beach when a huge wave sweeps him out to sea. She is distraught and prays to God with all of her strength.

"God, I'll do anything, name it. I'll pray for seven days and for seven nights, just bring me back my little Davie"
God eventually repents: "Oh, okay then"

And in an instant another huge wave brings back little Davie, safe and unhurt.

The woman looks at her son, then up to God, then to her son again.

God: "For Christ's sake, what's the matter now with you woman? You look so perplexed"

Mother: "ay, ay, ay. God, when you took him already he had a red hat on him"

A shia lays on his deathbed and calls for one of the local imams to his side.
"I want to become a Sunni" he tells him.

The Imam is shocked.
"But why?. You've led a holy and long life as one of the faithful"

"Yes", he replies, "but if someone is going to die I want it to be one of those bastards."


A young boy, hiding in a cupboard, sees his mother carrying on with her lover. They hear the main door opening and she says: "quick, hide in the cupboard, it's my husband". So, there they are, the kid and this man. The kid says to the man: "It's dark in here".
Man: "yeah, yeah, so what".
Kid: "So, if you don't want me to spill the beans then you better give me a hundred dollars". The man obliges.

Next week exactly the same thing happens.
Kid : "It's dark in here".
Man: "Not you again. Okay sunny, how much this time? Just keep your mouth shut. Get it."
Kid:"200 dollars"

Soon the father of the kid notices that he has all these fantastic new toys and questions him as to where he got the money from.
"A strange man gave it to me"

The father is mightily upset. "I told you not to take money from strangers, now go to confession. In the confession box he says to the priest:
"Gosh, it's dark in here"
Priest: "Listen kid, don't start that again!"

Courtesy of Marh who tragically passed away last year.

Ubo was speaking in Punjabi to a Sikhni for half an hour when she turned to him and said : are you Iranian? I kid thee not :)

Reminds me of my 'brother', Amir, who was looking for a flat over the phone. He came across someone called Mr. Xu ("Zoo"). The conversation lasted for fifteen minutes? "Do you have a girlfriend?. Yes/no?"
"You be smoking in flat. yes/no?" You pay rent on time. yes, good. And then after fifteen minutes he abruptly switched the phone off.
"What did he say?", I asked.
Amir : "he said: 'one larst quesunn: prease. you man or you woman'?"

I never quite understood all of Amir's swearing in Farsi, most of it was lost in translation.