The light is clearer, the birdsong and the silences more intense, but in some sense much remains the same here in London: trees, clouds, river. Are we returning to an elemental state or does this point to an awareness that the fundamental things that underlie the goodness of our lives are constant?
Much speculation on economic, political and institutional futures.Interesting and necessary but also, perhaps, a distraction. Social solidarity or a surveillance state? Ultimately, I marvel at the human spirit that imagines continuity and a 'north of the future'. But another part of me-a deeper part?- dimly recognises all the interruptions that have gone up to make my life. Isn't life itself this broken circle, a song of joy and sorrow?
So, to think too much about the future seems both impossible and something of a false consolation. The past, too. February nostalgia, a Bardo-like hankering for the simple pleasures we once enjoyed but took for granted: coffee, scrambled eggs, conversation...
For me this has been a time to reflect on what's really important in my life (that makes it sound too self-referential for in reality there is no life without others). If we are what we love, then who am I?
I zig-zag up the street, trying to avoid people. If someone gives me way I nod my head in an exaggerated fashion or, in an old eastern gesture that people in London are calling 'the Turkish, I move my hand to my heart in gratitude. Maybe something of the old gestures will remain or maybe we'll learn to recognise smiles by the sparkling of someone's eyes.
So, in the time that remains it seems important to not think too much about the future or the past but, instead, about what Rosenzweig called 'the demands of the day'. Time is given to us and is not ours. If that was *truly* believed, I think to myself, there would be less anxiety.
Personally speaking, I'm not there. But I am grateful for all the beauty, friendship and love that have come my way ("Which of My favours will you deny?", asks God in the Qur'an). All the striving of the ego seem hollow and shallow- more so than usual. I'm haunted by what Merton once wrote: "I want to be somebody that nobody knows".
When everything appears to be in lockdown it is important to recall, as Rumi said, that freedom is the ability to thank the Almighty for his Beneficence. Now, right now, more so than ever.
































