Autumnal

Autumn has finally broken through. Fading, soaring. All of summer, the memories of warm sunshine, have been rolled into these early mornings. These turning points are passageways, the dihliz. The brilliant crisp light conceals a certain sadness. It breathes of all that is new, of all the possibilities that quiver with expectation, hovering over our lives, waiting for the moment to enter the world and open us up to it. This bitter-sweetness is of an intensity that cannot be explained. Today the world is merely a fact. The trick is to but tilt one 's head, look at it at a slight angle to the universe.

Today the swami reminded me of that rare bird, Mr. Lewis. Here was a man who was dying of cancer and knew that he had only a few months to live. What does he do? Buy a sports car. Seeing that the swami is upset by this he says, "Don't worry, I'm not going to die". He then tells Ubo that he is going to run away with the swami. But what goes through the mind of such a person? At his death bed he sees that the swami is sad. "But why so sad, you'd think you're the one who's dying! I told you, don't worry, I'm not going to die." And still he goes on, undimmed, the flame unconquered -even if slightly bluer now. The last words of the man, though, say something unique and speak of what it is to be human, all too human: "Who will look after my mother now..will she be able to survive in a home?" That at such a moment he could transcend his own suffering to think of his old, silver-haired mother, that he could imagine those quiet, empty days when she would have no-one to tell those stories to, those evenings of the mind when the dull, monotonous humdrum takes over and the orange street lights burn with such loneliness,..can there be a greater gesture of the human soul?

You've got to stand your test in judgement,
You've got to stand it by yourself,
Ain't nobody can stand it for you
You've got to stand it by yourself.
---Big Bill Broonzy

She's gone forever
I know when one is dead, and when one lives.
She's dead as earth...
Why should a dog, a horse, a rat have life, and thou no breath at all?
Thou'lt come no more.
Never, never, never, never, never!
----King Lear.

August 16, 2007

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My kismet: alas, what is beautiful reminds me of death.

(hey, what did you expect with a name like Black Sun?)

A Ph.D will not help you die..it won't even help you live! What knowledge can? Philosophy won't take you there. If you've got it, you've got it. It's a gift.

I remember the swami looking at my thesis for a good two minutes before casually flinging it to one side. What is this rubbish? It's nothing but equations. There are no words. If an ordinary person like me cannot understand it, what's the point?

Love it!!! My thoughts exactly. All those pointy heads. I think Kenneth Clarke said they're as thick as swans.

A dear English friend said, how traumatic that must have been.

Er..no, actually, I thought it was a pretty good assessment :)

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Was in the video store -you can tell how old I am since I still use words like that or "disco" or marathon rather than the bastardised Americanism, 'snickers'-and two young kids were joking about dying. "You don't think I'll be blown up by a suicide bomber do you"
"No, why do you say that, shazada"
"Who knows, these 'sister-fuckers' are everywhere nowadays."
"But they haven't hit Lahore, yet?"
"I know, I'm going to Pindi though"
"Yaar, make sure you give my 300 Rs back before you go"

Then a bearded security man walks in with a rifle and I overhear him talking about videos.
"No, we don't sell them any more. We haven't had any for ten years, which world are you living in brother?"
When he leaves, shuffling his feet (head down) as he does so, they laugh to themselves. "Dumb ass!"

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I just had to cut and paste this from Ali's blog.
The fanaticism of a 'western' (probably American) muslim:

The urban elite is only Muslim for Ramadan so they can stuff themselves with their greasy stinky foods into their disgusting pot bellies. Other than that, they are largely classist, racist, materialistic pieces of shit. They mix freely with the opposite sex,make porn tapes, wife swap, and all types of scandalous shit. I know cause I’ve seen this firsthand. Everybody lies and fronts, their parents are corrupt businessmen. This is what I’ve seen in Dhaka, I doubt Karachi or Lahore is any different. So much for respect for elders. This is just desi Muslims, its even worse with Arabs (”they should;ve never gave these niggas money”) and Persians and etc.