notes from the underground

As a child you thought of trolls as being quite frightening. When you grew up you realized that they still are!

Of course, there was the initial excitement of encountering your first genuine troll. For a while you felt a bit out of sorts. But then you remembered the first few pages on Pepys and how, despite losing his balance, he managed to keep a small area of calm and impartiality in his mind from being disturbed by the events he was surrounded by. And by writing about it one could distance oneself from one's momentary and instinctive feelings.

Then a kind of sadness to it all and you reserve judgement-at least for the while. It is genuinely disappointing to see people with half-decent minds acting so silly, so childishly. You think to yourself: there are some people out there who need some kind of help. Of course, there is a more extreme form of trolls, those who heckle and harass women (why do you suspect that most trolls are men? Because of their aggressiveness, their cowardice?).

But what is it about trolls? Is it ultimately their loneliness and social ineptitude, their lack of grace and etiquette that makes you think they're interesting-at least for a short period of time?

Does the internet and anonymity bring out some of the pent up hatred and frustrations of people?  These very same people would not dare utter such comments in a face-to-face conversation (which makes you think that they are either bullies or the childhood victims of bullies).

How does one deal with a troll? Ignore them, reply to them, try and understand them? Quite frankly, I see enough crazies to realize that there is often an insurmountable barrier between normal, reasonable people and those who write notes from the underground. It is incredibly draining trying to put yourself in their shoes (did Smith write on this?). What kind of powers of imagination and sympathy does one need, and can there be a limit to one's abilities to comprehend difference? How, for example, does one talk to (and not talk at) a racist, an anti-semite, a misogynist, a fundamentalist or a troll? In a similar vein, can we understand madness or those afflicted with some sort of pathology?

You begin to wonder about your troll. West Midlands. Could just be some fucked-up desi (most likely). Or a bitter middle-aged man whose life is disintegrating all around him. You think how hatred and bitterness can reduce a grown person to a child-like or primitive state. You could refer him to your psychologist friend, of course, but you fear he might attack her. Then you think: trolls aren't that interesting after all. Goodness and kindness...yes, now that is something that is endlessly fascinating.