The first day of winter

The  first day of winter, in the middle of summer, reminds me of all that has been lost, flitted away. For gods and beasts there are only blue skies; for us, the many shades of pink and grey. All of a sudden you are reminded of something you cannot name..and if it was named it would be lost again, in a worse way. The quality of light is the quality of our attachments.

'Human life is like a day in the existence of the world. '

K. Irby.

I see it now before me and it's like that early morning mist has always been there, a constant presence and all you could do when you put your head to it was wait for it to clear.  This hour in the wave neither yours nor mine. This old way of speaking is not mistaken.

An old friend, down on his luck, his mind calmed by medication, can only sadly reflect on the years...sometimes floating, sometimes howling. There's no bringing it back.. And worse, not much to bring back since so much time has been consumed. 

Up near the top of the house, the high-world, with no false note: look up at a sky with no stars. A procession of a thousand clouds, icebergs floating, marching, drifting..a tortoise, a declining Greek goddess, a crouching tiger..all catching a reflected and refracted city light..another kind of beauty emerges, artificial but true. The myriad strands cut loose, aimless, fluttering gloriously like a flag or the kites we used to fly; sip it slowly, take the image in without greeting it because you're empty and don't understand any more.. 

Catch a hold. "Do you remember when...". Childhood no more than a small box now. The bones sense it somehow, miraculously, he thinks to himself. Light the fires, keep a few frail lights going.. Can still feel your way around the old house like a blind man. Don't understand the words no more but I could swear the voice..

Small fires in August, yeah, that was it. The smoke sharp, hands dry as hell..that warmth we mistook to be from within. Days shorter. Brief days, hardly get your bearings as you stumble out and it's half gone. Stay strong. Won't break like A..no, not like that. Christ.